On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were dividing four boxes of tree ornaments, each claiming some for ourselves. Kit, now living independently, wanted to decorate her own Christmas tree. However, for me, unpacking these decorations meant confronting years of sorrow and loss for the children who were no longer part of our holiday celebrations.
Over the span of eight years, our family grew and shrank as we fostered 23 children. Most stays were temporary, but during that time, we also adopted our two children. I was surprised to find that Kit remembered the stories behind each homemade ornament, even for those she had never met. It was eye-opening to realize that her holiday memories differed significantly from mine.
As I opened a box, I uncovered a tree topper that my husband and I had received during our first Christmas as newlyweds. Running my fingers over the crack in the angel’s wings, held together by Krazy Glue, brought back memories of a marriage that couldn’t be saved. Passing the angel to Kit, I wondered if she would want it in its fragile state. To my delight, her eyes sparkled beneath her festive reindeer hat as she gladly accepted it.
“Mom, remember how I always wanted to be the one to place the angel atop the tree? I thought I’d never be tall enough,” Kit reminisced. We shared a laugh, realizing how much she had grown over the years. Ultimately, the angel found a new home with Kit.
Opening another tin, I found a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament, a creation by an eight-year-old boy we once fostered. It was made from foam blocks and pipe cleaners at a foster family Christmas party in our community. The memories stirred a mix of lingering grief and frustration as his path diverged from ours, leaving us without further contact.
Sensing my shift in mood, Kit took the Santa decoration from me. She pointed out how I always placed it low on the tree for her to play with and admired the flames made of red pipe cleaners at the back of the sleigh. Like our foster children, Kit preferred watching “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” on Christmas Eve, forging unique traditions that differed from mine.
Creating an inclusive holiday experience for our foster children was a priority for my ex-husband, our parents, and me. We arranged our family Christmas gatherings on dates other than December 25th to ensure the foster children could spend Christmas with their families without missing out on our festive celebrations. Each child received special ornaments, either to adorn the tree or keep as a memento, marking our time together.
Retrieving a reindeer ornament made of pompoms and adorned with googly eyes and pipe cleaner antlers, I recalled my son’s playful nickname for the matching pair. Dividing Christmas ornaments, just as I had done years ago during my divorce, held significant sentimental value. It was heartwarming to see how these ornaments had made a lasting impact on Kit, providing a sense of continuity and comfort.
As we prepare to decorate the tree this year, I anticipate a different experience. My daughter’s joyful perspective and cherished memories will overshadow any lingering sadness associated with each ornament, filling me with excitement to see her tree come to life.