Madeline Buss, residing in Vancouver, recounts her experience of leasing her first apartment far from her mother, who was unexpectedly transferred to the ICU on the same day. Struggling with feelings of guilt and questioning her role as a daughter, Madeline’s mother had been battling various health issues, including multiple sclerosis, bone cancer, depression, and anxiety.
The momentous decision to sign the lease coincided with the shocking news of her mother’s need for a heart transplant. Despite the emotional turmoil, Madeline proceeded with the paperwork in a daze, consumed by thoughts of being by her mother’s side in Cambridge. Reflecting on her upbringing, Madeline shares her journey of caretaking responsibilities during her mother’s health struggles, especially leading up to her move for university.
Supported by her stepfather, who encouraged her to prioritize her own well-being, Madeline realized the importance of self-care and breaking free from perpetual fear. Embracing the circular nature of love and care, she acknowledges that caring for others requires reciprocation and allowing oneself to be cared for. Despite the physical distance, Madeline and her mother maintain their unique bond through phone conversations, adapting to a new normal of less frequent but meaningful interactions.
As Madeline navigated her first year in Vancouver, her stepfather took on caregiving duties, easing her transition into independence. Despite the challenges, including a delayed visit due to a summer internship, Madeline found solace in her mother’s recovery post-surgery. With a newfound perspective on life and a sense of acceptance, she aims to shift from being an observer to an active participant in shaping her future.